Absolutely Nothing

alter ego in which i hide
cover me from the onslaught
created on the inside mostly
but protect me from all
the rocks that are not
purposely thrown in my direction
don't lead me down a
path of your choosing while
i still have a mind of
my own & don't need you
to control my dreams
and visions and thoughts
even though they may
consume me they are
mine to hold close &
embrace only if i feel
like i'm in the right
mind to proceed with
the pictures & vibrations
that are felt on
a daily basis which
no longer means art
to anyone but myself
who would rather be
lost among the challenges
of an imaginative wonderland
than be forced to come
down & tromp among the
reality stricken shamrock
people who make decisions
based on luck & yet no
one seems to notice the
luck of their liveliness from
which they fail to use
in an attempt to prove some
kind of worth to others
but enough about people
that surround every fear
that is possible to
arise when you open
your eyes it's even harder
to see what i'm looking
for surrounded by clouds
of disappointment from not
meeting expectations brought
on from a place that
doesn't have any business
in my life accept to
give me doubt right
at the moment when it's
time to fly to a level
that cannot be reached
by any ladder with rungs
on it in a pattern that
is stable with balance that
seems to make happiness in
all directions at the same
time that sadness has overcome
me for another moment in a long
day where i try not to
hold on to things
dearly enough to be a
weakness of which i have many
that i may one day choose
to display to all the
world in a great tossing
and unraveling of mystery &
mirrors that seems to focus
too much strength and power
that i feel i can no longer
handle all of this
strangulation and lack of fulfillment
that hounds my very existence
as if i was a scared horseman
making a return to the greatest
stage with no inclination
as to why returning to what
is done before is such a
good thing in place of the
rulings & jokes that
shared by the players &
misinterpreted by all those who
watch with multiple levels
and multiple meanings to
anyone that chooses to
give a damn and i'll
admit that the numbers
are few but somehow they
always seem to reassemble
all of the broken souls
in a way that can no
longer be dissuaded by all
of the lost mass lunatics
who choose to play by
someone elses rules & still
complain about how choice
is a thing of my past
that seems to ride on
forever past that purple
sunset that marks the
first day of the rest
of a life that cannot be
controlled from any other
position than the one that
it allows to play some
games make some names
and feel the same as a
raindrop that is formed
knowing all the time that
it will fall to it's death
which equals changing rather
than ending in a sadness
that i can never understand
about everything because nothing
is real that is doubted
from the minds eye which
i no longer like to talk
about because the mind only
interests me in a vague sense
these days with all of it's
tricky disdain that it holds
for the figures that dance
around in a kind of weeping
waltz that caused a deep
sadness within circumstances that
move faster than the speed
of Einstein's neuron's which
vibrate on a frequency that
may or may not equal
infinity + 1....2.....3.....4 one thousand
sounds like a good time to
start making some movements in
a direction that appears to
be new but how can i
ever tell when all the same
faces give the same reactions
to the same situation even
if there is a difference between
laughter and crying out
to those whom love seems to effect
a lonely heart trying to
find something to believe in
while the seconds & years pass in unison
equal to past transgressions
with super important connotations
that mean absolutely nothing

when everything is
taken into consideration